Road Trip!!

So I remember saying that I’ll be persistent and consistent with my bloggings starting 2 days ago. Unfortunately, for the next ten days or so, I’ll be on a road trip with my family, going to Cherating, Pahang - Batu Rakit, Terengganu - Pasir Mas, Kelantan - Cherating, Pahang – KL. I don’t know whether to feel excited or sad about it since I won’t be able to send off Syahid this Saturday night or my sweetheart Chai to Switzerland next week.. Sigh.. But the prospects of spending time with my family, going on a road trip holiday and visiting families for Eid al-Adha gives me a sense of delight and anticipation of how the trip is going to turn out. Mak and I went for snack shopping in the morning and I’m supposed to make sandwiches now. We’re leaving a little after 1530 I guess. Well, more after the trip I guess…

When There’s So Much To Say

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Have you ever wanted to say so many things to someone close to you when you suddenly realize how near the time is for them to leave or start a new life? Or sometimes, they’re not leaving but they just forgot or don’t realize how much they mean to you and think you take them lightly. It’s like all of a sudden a million words form and jumble in your mind and you just want to pour it all out to your loved ones. I’ve had this experience happening to me more than once and on all accounts, I’ve never manage to tell them everything I feel in my heart. I suppose I never will. Because when it comes to those people that we are so close to you, words can never be enough. After you’ve told them something and left, you’d realize that you forgot to tell them something else or what you told them was not enough.

Today was such a day. I have a special close friend leaving to pursue his studies in Dublin, Ireland. My Best Guy Friend. Syahid Mohd. Zain. That’s one dude who’ll always have a special place in my heart. I’ve always wanted him to know all the things I’ve felt for him (both good and bad :p haha! Mostly good of course). He’s such a good friend. Someone you could rely on to stick with you through your highest and lowest point of your life, supporting and believing in you, giving you hopes and strength to do what you will. You know he’d be there with his smiles, jokes and laughter that will keep you happy all day long. A thought of him brings a warm smile that is felt all the way to your heart. I’ve always loved him for his kindness and care. I mean damn he could just annoy the hell outta me when he teases me, but all is good when I’m in my wittiest moods. :) Plus you can never get upset or annoyed with that softhearted guy. The moment you pull a long face, he’ll start sucking up to make you smile. More than words though, his actions depict his inner feelings and love. That’s Syahid for you.

As I was thinking of him this morning, I contemplated upon writing a whole letter to place along with the card I bought him, so that I could share what little experience and advice I have for him. Words after words were forming in my mind to remind him of our faith in Islam, the dangers of compromising bad deeds, the memories and times shared together, how he should be prepared for the erratic weather and owh just everything came to my head. But when it came down to actually writing on the card, I went totally blank. Geez, so much for ideas I thought. In the end, I settled with the idea of writing the more important issues in the shortest and nicest way in that card and not the long letter I initially planned for. :) Though it was concise, it covered pretty much everything. I figured, it’s always nicer to tell you loved ones of your feelings for them over a period of time rather than everything at once.

It was really nice to have a proper lunch with my friends for once. On hindsight, I knew it was my last day to actually be with Syahid in a long time. However, I hadn’t felt sad over it for the thought of him starting something so exciting and new overpowered that sadness. I’m happy for my dear friend who’s embarking on his new chapter of life. And because of that, all the usual sms, online chats, joking, laughing and the rarely attempt of hanging out and dining we had today remains as a happy and cherished memory.

Love you lots Syahid. All the best in your quest of life! Allah ma’aka (May Allah be with You)…..

A year, Two Months & Three days After....Wow

Wow indeed. I can't believe it's that long since I've blogged. :) Time sure has flown. I guess I've finally agreed to myself that I'm very much settled here in Malaysia. Settled and ready to blog once more! (wonder if this is gonna last!--> bet u thought the same huh Jaffri? :p) Truthfully, I too am not so confident as too how long I'm going to be persistent on this thing again, but I truely hope it'll be awhile till I give in too my laziness...

Alright...so let's make the shortest summary of my life since the last day I blogged:

Started working in Nov 2005 in the Pastry Kitchen of Shangri-La, Kuala Lumpur under the supervision of Chef Artist Leslie for 2 months, then in the Cold Kitchen of Shangri-La's Gourmet Kitchen for one month under the supervision of my colleague and friend Annie and my last 3 months in the Pastry Kitchen, moving from buffet section, to bread-making for a months perhaps and finally the very-much-loved chocolate room for my last two months under the supervision of my colleague and my beloved friend Loh Cheng Kit. Industry training ended in April 2006. My special Thanks to Leslie, Danny, Ah Kit and Annie for the wonderful and priceless experience and fun they've shared with me. I loved my training with a passion if that makes sense. :D

A week after I left my training, I retreated to my lovely and serene kampung in Batu Rakit, Terengganu with one of my closest friend, Fatiha. Although we stayed at our respective family's home, we managed to spend time together for most of the trip. Ha and I had the best 3 days of our lives (well one of anyways), spending one of the days on an Island called Pulau Kapas for a whole day from morning till around 5. I had attended her aunts engagement post-ceremony and we had spend time walking on the beach of Batu Rakits during one of the late afternoons. We took a lot of beautiful pictures during the trip, enough to remember almost everything that we did during the 3 days. I, on the other hand had discovered a "hidden" talent in photography. :D well, at least I think so. ^_^ hehe!

A week later, I found myself on the plane and on my way to Yemen for a short intensive course in Arabic Language. At first, I was devastated about the prospects of me being there. Hated the fact that I was forced to do it, but weeks after weeks, I found myself liking, even loving what I had there - my foster families, especially my two moms, Aunty Wan and Aunty Maizan, the friends that I've made and come to love deeply, especially my teacher and best friend Ustazah Khawlah, and shockingly Sana'a, the ancient city. Although I'm pretty sure that my last 10 days there were the best, what with the short road trip I had and the few lil adventures I took, my days in Yemen were really special in my heart. After a wonderful 3.5 months experience in that 3000 year old city, I left for Malaysia with a new eyes and understanding in life as a whole.

The next month or so was spent in preparations of my beloved sister, Zara's, wedding. It was the month of Ramadhan and so, apart from the wedding preparations, it was a time of Ibadah and reflections. And being the last time of us, as a whole family to celebrate this years Ramadhan and Eid al-Fitr, we cherished every moment of it. Zara and I spent most afternoons cooking for the family and at night, my family and I would frequent the mosque, reviving the spirit of Ramadhan with hopes of pleasing the Almighty and "meeting" Layla al-Qadr. Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan came and left teaching me more of my religion and faith. Eid was celebrated with mixed feelings of sadness and joy.

On the 4th of November, Siti Zara was wedded to Ahmad Nizam, in the sweetest wedding. For many who were skeptical of arranged marriages, the newly weds proved how such a strictly followed traditions led to a happy ending. It was indeed a beginning of a wonderful life for my beloved sister and husband. A new chapter, a new beginning, a new life, a new love, and boy oh boy do I see a lot of love :) Alhamdulillah. Both husband and wife left for England at the end of the month and are now busy moving into their new home in Luton.

So for the past month since my Beloved sister and brother left, I've been busy college-hunting, taking orders from people (well mostly my aunts) to do cakes and pastries, and teaching Ha to cook all my tasty and easy recipes which I'm so proud of :D owh! And did I mention a lot of going out and catching up with family and friends. Teeheeeeeeeeee!! ^^, The latest was my family day in PD, family dinner at Aunty Nina's house, and going out with Sakinah, best friend from morning till a little after noon. :D

So technically, my life has been a fruitful one for this pass year, two months and three days. Of course, some days are plain boring or rather unproductive, but for the most of it, it has been a blast! ^_^ woops! I suppose my summary isn't so short after all...^_^; Its 1225am and I still can't connect to blog. But technically I blogged in time for the said title. O well, I'll try posting this tomorrow then...till then, that's all from me.

The Thing About Love….

Allah has bestowed us with his love from the moment He decided to create us. Everything from our form to our surroundings was planned for our sake, for our comfort and beauty. Our human form is so perfectly and uniquely designed that none is the same as the other. Our body is made complex, with a system so flawless, that synchronization of our movements, structure and cells is not but naturally mind-blowing. I guess when people say that God is within you, they mean that you can find prove of His existence and love through simply looking within yourself.

I’ve always been enticed by the words of Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips about Allah. She said, “If someone sincerely believes in Allah and tries to do good, Allah will give him many opportunities to improve his belief and increases his good deeds. Allah will never cause sincere belief to be wasted, even if the believer falls off the right path, He will help him get back on it. Allah may punish him in this life when he goes off the right track to remind him of his errors and to wake him up to make amends. In fact, Allah is so merciful (I’d also call it loving) as to take the life of a sincere believer while doing a good deed, thereby ensuring that the believer will be among the fortunate dweller of paradise. If someone on the other hand, disbelieves in Allah and rejects righteousness (mind you, only after one rejects the truth that has been laid clearly in front of him), Allah gives him success when he does badly and that encourages him to do more evil until he dies in such a sinful state and is flung into the everlasting fire because of his evil deeds.” Wonderful don’t you think?

Love is miraculous. A person in love can change tremendously just because of love. I mean literally you know? Personality, habits, way of life, beliefs….whatever you deemed was impossible to change, love can. Love is so ancient and powerful. Unfortunately, so blinding too. A person in love can be so delirious that something soooo wrong becomes soooo right and vice versa. At the very least, love will cause some to compromise important decisions and actions. But love is a sacred energy, honed by the power of will. One tends to be more determined and resolved with the existence of love; simply having a purpose to live for.

Some people will go through so much in life before even having the chance to taste the sweetness of love. They’d have to either see the bad side of everything, hating love, but finally find true love and honor and cherish it, or, they’d go through life without love, or rather without realizing the existence of love, believing that love wasn’t meant to be for them, and finally one day, when love hits them when they least expected it, they’d appreciate it more than they thought they would. Others have love coming their way so easily, without a finger lifted and an effort to make, it’s baffling.

I believe everyone has their own fair share of experiencing this powerful feeling of love. Love is not about the difference in age, race, religion or prejudice or even being selfish. It’s about feelings, emotions, understanding, respect, support, guidance, trust, faith, and the ability to share you with that special someone. Sometimes love hurts. But that only proves how deep the love is. It also serves as a reminder and a key to appreciation. Love is like a breath of fresh air, pure and rejuvenating. When one is able to love, he is able to do anything….

:) Thanks Love, you thought me this….

On the other side.... Sometimes, people do certain things. And at times, it may seem rude, aggressive and not to your liking. We tend to get angry or annoyed with these people. But has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps, it was your fault that they turned out the way they did. Perhaps it was the way you spoke to them, or perhaps they are the product of the environment they brought up in. Then again, it might be that they find it hard to express their feelings or thoughts. People are most often than not misunderstood, no matter how contrary their intentions were to those of what people “see it to be”. So what are we to do? Life is like a loop. One day you are the angry person and the next you’re the one misunderstood. I suppose that’s why there are many verses from the holy Qur’an that advocates patience and a hadith saying that a person who can control his anger is the strongest of people. It’s a pity that we’re always ignoring guidance. Well, that’s humans: we never learn till something happens. Just a small contemplation for today….

Back in Malaysia

Wow! It’s really been a long time since I’ve jotted anything in this little blog of mine. Pre-occupied is most likely an understatement of my life these past few weeks. Actually, many things have happened since. First, it was all the tests, assignments and projects, and then it was my finals and graduation, and finally packing to go home, sending off some friends to the airport, and visiting the rest who will still remain in Switzerland. It was definitely an emotional roller-coaster for me. Having to say goodbye to my friends was thus far one of the hardest things I had to do. But the worse was still to say goodbye to Jessica, Ting and especially Chai ~ all of which mean a great deal and hold a special place in my heart.

I guess that’s just how life is. You meet people, you get to know them, and at one point, u say goodbye. Nonetheless, memories of the times together and the strong feelings we shared will never be erased by time. Though maybe from a vivid memory, it’ll slowly be as blur as the misty water, but, I know in my heart, these memories created together are the happiest time for me. A part of my life that I’ll forever cherish, a part of my life, when I look back, only smiles and tears of joy will be the outcome of my reminiscing.

Back home, I’m missing Switzerland tremendously. I miss life with friends, I miss the freedom, I miss not being expected to do things, I miss people not judging me and accepting who I am, I miss smiling so much as I used to, I miss having to ride the bus to go to Luzern, I miss hanging out by the park or beach or just simply a nice walk with a friend by my side. One will only learn how to be grateful of things the moment they lose it. It’s very unnerving but unfortunately true. We neglect the things we love until something awful takes place. Humans….never contented with what they have.

As positive as I try to be, somehow, when I’m in Malaysia, I’m no longer the person I was in Switzerland. I find myself trapped in a little box. I’m too restricted in here, and to find my sparkle is almost impossible. I must sound pretty beat up huh? I feel like a bird without wings. For some reason, Malaysia makes me feel so negative. One person used to make me feel special, makes me feel like I deserve all the praises I received. Makes me believe I can achieve what I want to achieve. I still have my hopes and dreams close to my heart. It’s just the confidence that’s slowly deteriorating. Maybe this is just a phase in life I have to go through. Maybe…. For now, I think I’ll leave it all up to Allah. He promised that with every difficulty there’s relief and I truly and honestly believe in that. My life ahead will remain a mystery to be unravelled. I just hope that I’ll still have the strength to fight through it….

Another Day, Another Thought....

My dear friend Jaffri reminded me of my blog today when I read his. Reminded me of how sometimes we neglect the most simple but valuable things in life. Like the small chats you have with your loved ones, or the short visits u pay to a friend. We tend to procrastinate, saying that we’ll do things later. The question then is…later when? When someone passes away? When someone gets sick? Truth be told, I do that too inasmuch as I hate it. We tend to express our love only when something bad happens. Even so, if you had two things that happen at once; one a bad one and the other good, you tend to choose one over the other. True, sometimes it is better that way, as you won’t pressure yourself too much, but one should never neglect something for the other. At the end of the day, we’ll find out that these things are just as important. We learn a lot from those little tings that we do. I do anyways. Hmmm….do I make sense??

Anyways, for the past week, I’ve been busy with projects and friends. What else is new right? Well, for me, these last 3 weeks are the most important one, not only for my academics, but also for my friends I have come to love - Chai, Jessica, Ting, Meera, Olivia, Shawn, David, Alejandro, Chris, Ryan, Peter, Emily, Linea, Lyn, Sarah, Vicky, Benk Benk, and a whole bunch of friends here. They have been my friends, my support, my laughter, my frustrations, my teammates, my buddies, and I love them all dearly. Granted, for some I’ve only known them less than 3 months, but we’ve been through a lot here and it somehow seems like I’ve known them forever. I really hope these last few days will be my best times here. I hope that the memories we’ve built together would remain for as long as I live.

Gosh, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’m so attached to a few people here that I feel like not leaving. But at the same time, going back home is such a blessing to me. It’s been too long since I had to go to Islamic lectures and get some spiritual reinforcements. I very well need it. I think my level of faith is deteriorating and that is a BIG problem. Is it my heart or my nafs? Sometimes I just feel like I’m lost. But I thank Allah for letting me know Chai. He’s been one of the reasons why I’m starting to think back about Islam. It amazes me how little knowledge I know when he asks me questions about Islam. Simple questions actually, like how you would know that the Qur’an, the Prophet (saw) and Allah really exists and is something non-fictional. Things I have deep faith in, but fail to clarify enough to make another person understand how I feel about it. I mean, sure there are all the examples to give, but I realized that all the answers I gave were the kind of answer only Muslims would easily accept. I guess my life in Malaysia, being surrounded by Muslims; I never knew how important it is to actually be able to explicate my thoughts and impart knowledge to others with little understanding the religion of the bigger picture of Islam. I’m just wondering what kind of a vicegerent I am now? Mak!! I need help!!

Having said all that, I think I feel much better. I find my blog to be a place of release, be it joy or frustration. :) Thank God….

Another Week in Vitznau....

For some reason, with each passing day, my heart protests to the fact that I’ll be going home to Malaysia. I never thought how much I’d feel attached to my current home in Switzerland. It definitely has been a great eight months here in DCT. What with all the life experience I’ve gained, friends I’ve made, and not to mention this little quaint village of Vitznau I’ve learned to love, just three more weeks left, and a sad farewell I’ll have to bid.

Anyhow, let’s end that emotional initiation. Yesterday, I woke up to a welcoming bath of sun ray, which lasted for as long as an eye blink – ok, I’m exaggerating…it’s somewhat a little longer than that, but the erratic weather here has been horrendous. A smile to a thought of a beautiful day as I imagined and hoped it would turn out to be. Lazily I got ready to go to Luzern with Jessica, wishing I could stay in my bed awhile longer.

We skipped brunch as we planned to get ours in Luzern, at a Thai restaurant. This was supposed to be the roommie outing we’ve been meaning to have for weeks. Being girls and considering it’s a Saturday, we took our leisure time to get prepared. By the time I finished my prayers, it was already 1340, and the next bus was in less than 15 minutes. We left Vitznau at 1354.

In Luzern, we bought instant noodles to stock up for the next 3 weeks at Kam Tong, our first stop. Thereafter, we headed to the Thai restaurant. Boy, was that a good meal! I had fried seafood noodle, which soo reminded me of Malaysia, while Jessica had her seafood noodle soup. We also shared a platter of raw prawns, marinated in chilies and vinegar. That was the spiciest appetizer I’ve ever had! But both of us managed 6 pieces each, which left our eyes teary and red, while our mouth burning from the spiciness of the prawns. It was indeed one of the best meals I had in Switzerland since I set foot here.

We went to Migros, a smaller version of Malaysia’s Giant Supermarket, to get provisions for tomorrow’s intended Vietnamese lunch. Did I ever mention how good a cook Jessica is?? Whatever is produced from her pot will turn out to be something so delicious you can barely resist the temptation and stop eating. Trust me; it’s not only me who melted away when I had her cooking. Anyway, she promised me a vegetarian Vietnamese dish tomorrow. I can hardly wait! Hehehe….We managed to get all the things, including a kebab for Benk benk before leaving at 1712.

After Asr, I went to Sara’s room to give her a birthday present and to hang out with the Korean gals for a few minutes. I’ve always liked being with my Korean friends. There’s always something new for me to learn, be it the language, culture or traditions…and ehrm….food as well ;)…I was surprised to see more people than I expected to be there. But it was still an enjoyable time.

I stayed there until I received a phone call from Jessica, who asked me to join her for a drum session at the basement. It was without doubt one of the coolest experience I’ve acquire since I got here. Firstly, I didn’t expect whatsoever I was about to witness. Benk Benk was undeniably one of the best drummers I’ve ever met. You know, the kind of talented person, when they start playing, all mouths will be drooping to the floor. Yes he was that good. I mean, he could practically go on and on without music, and I assure you, none will be bored. It was remarkable I tell you. I was given a short lesson of drums and will probably learn more in the coming week. ;)

Anyhow, after my drum session, Meera and I decided to take a nice night stroll out along the lake. I was in for yet another shock. You see, since the floods and rain, both of us haven’t been walking. For one thing, it has been raining on and off, since last week. As our school was on a slightly higher ground and wasn’t so badly affected, we hadn’t imagine what we were about to see. The mud residue that was still apparent by the road side also didn’t tell much of the damage that was cause. 3 minutes after walking, we finally reached our favorite park, which we used to hang out in. With eyes as wide with disbelief, the ugly scene of total damage that welcomed us slowly sink in. Never had I envision such a disturbing scene. In the dark, the path between flowers and trees were literally destroyed, full of rocks, logs and mud. My sanctuary was destroyed, and God knows how long it will be till they restore it once more; though I’m praying hard so that that would be before I leave soon.

The rest of the night I spent in bed as much rest was still needed. I’ve been sick for more than a week now and everything has been really slow for me. My studies have been greatly affected, but hopefully, today, given the moody weather outside, fewer distractions will encourage me to learn something and catch up on work. Anyways, Zara is smsing me right now! Owh I’m soooo excited, hopefully, my recovery will allow me to post more stuff next week. Till then….mata ne!